Flying Cheese Monkeys From Hobbiton Go To Paris
by Galdor Flamenight
Summary: This is an epic tale of Bilbo and Frodo Baggins doing random things all around the world.


As whats-his-name once said, "You ain't got no cheese, foo'. I don' know wha chu smokin', bu' you ain't thankin' right, stupi'."  
  
"I like to eat cheese." said Bilbo, who was happily sitting on his cheese round porch.  
  
"Yes, I do too," said Frodo, who was also happily sitting on Bilbo's porch.  
  
"Hmm," thought Frodo, "I wonder if I could eat all the cheese in Hobbiton..."  
  
"Oh you could," said Bilbo, who was listening to his thoughts and then spazed out.  
  
"Are you okay?" said Frodo.  
  
"I...don't maybe." said Bilbo, who was having seizures.  
  
"Okay, I'll go inside and make muffins." said Frodo.  
  
"Cheese muffins?" inquired Bilbo.  
  
"Yes, duh, you stupid fat hobbit." said Frodo.  
  
So Frodo walked inside and baked some cheese muffins and brought them out to the spastic Bilbo. "Here you go," he said.  
  
"Thank you." Bilbo said. He took a muffin and dropped it on the cheese round porch. "Yarrrrrrrrrrrg!" he exclaimed and dived onto the cheese muffin and gobbled it up.  
  
"Feel better?" asked Frodo.  
  
"Yassum." said Bilbo.  
  
"What are those birds in the sky?" asked Frodo.  
  
"They're flying cheese monkeys!" exclaimed Bilbo.  
  
"oOo May we go see them?" asked Frodo.  
  
"Sure why not." Said Bilbo.  
  
So off they went, hiking up the side of Hobbiton to the very top of it, even though the flying cheese monkeys were much further down. "Hmm," thought Frodo, "I think we passed up the monkeys a while ago."  
  
"Right you are m'boy." said Bilbo, who was listening to Frodo's thoughts again, and, like before, randomly spazed out. In fact, Bilbo was spazing out so much that he rolled down the side of the hill all the way down to the Hobbiton Market. Frodo hobbled after the poor stupid hobbit, because he felt like hobbling.  
  
"oOo Look Frodo, there they are!" proclaimed Bilbo, for he saw the flying cheese monkeys once more, but this time, they were much closer.  
  
"Hello flying cheese monkeys!" said Frodo, "Will you give us a ride to Paris?"  
  
"Why are we going there?" whispered Bilbo.  
  
"Because that's where they took Gollum!" said Frodo.  
  
"Really now?" asked Bilbo, "does that little bugger still have my precious?" he asked with an evil look on his face.  
  
"Yep." said Frodo.  
  
"Okay let's go," said Bilbo, who was already sitting on a flying cheese monkey. Frodo hopped aboard. So they flew off to Paris, far far away from Hobbiton.  
  
Meanwhile, in Paris..."Stupid nasty hobbitses...they took the ring from us! Yes...they stole our precious...Stupid fat hobbit. Tsk tsk, no pudding skins for him. Nope...hmm...so...how are we doing? Shouldn't you know? Um...yes...I was just trying to start a conversation, god, you don't have to make fun of me. Aww I'm sorry Smeagol. I'll be nicer from now on. Really? Yes, duh. Okay! Yay!" Gollum was busy muttering schizophrenically to himself. His other friend Smeagol was there too, so he was happy.  
  
Meanwhile, the flying cheese monkeys were about 5 miles away from France.  
  
"This is taking too long," said Bilbo, who at that point jumped off of the flying cheese monkey and pulled out a parachute out of nowhere.  
  
Frodo, confused, shrugged and stayed on the flying cheese monkey's back. "I'll meet up with you there!" yelled Frodo.  
  
"Okay!" yelled Bilbo.  
  
Meanwhile, back in Paris, Gollum and Smeagol were talking about their last visit to France. "Oh yes, it was very fascinating." said Gollum.  
  
"Yes, not nearly as big as last time though."  
  
"That didn't make any sense."  
  
"Well look at us, two little deprived ex-hobbits who have no lives because we spend our time looking for a godforsaken ring. Does that make sense?"  
  
"...No..."  
  
"Mmhmm. That's what I thought." said Smeagol.  
  
Above them were the flying cheese monkeys, so at this point, Frodo jumped off with a cheese monkey feather and sailed down to the Eiffel Tower. He landed on the top of it, and slid down.  
  
"What is that stupid hobbit doing?" asked Gollum.  
  
"I...don't...maybe..." said Smeagol.  
  
They both hobbled over to investigate. However, at this point, Bilbo had hobbled on his fast little bare hobbit feet to Paris and he tackled Smeagol and Gollum, at the same time too! They both screamed in agony at the same time.  
  
"Give me my ring back you thief!" requested Bilbo.  
  
"We don't have the ring!" said Gollum, answering for Smeagol as well.  
  
"We'll see about that!" said Bilbo, who looked at Gollum for somewhere to search, like a pocket, but all he was wearing was a loincloth. He gave up very easily. "Okay you win." said Bilbo.  
  
"Okay, now we can all go off into the distance in search of the ring." said Frodo.  
  
"Okay." the other three said.  
  
So the foursome set off in search of the ring, randomly disappearing into the hills. 


End file.
